Layminster
by Anne T.M
Summary: This story was written awhile ago for The Triple Crown Contest. You had to pick the name of a horse in the derby and write a story revolving around the name. I choose Layminster which led to a humor filled story involving Chakotay, Captain Janeway and Tom.


Paramount owns them. I mean no infringement.

A short story about shore leave gone awry, written a few years ago for the Triple Crown Contest. The idea was to use the name of a horse in the race as the focus of your story.

Layminster

By: Anne T.M.

Rated PG-13

Tom entered Sandrines and spied the command team in their usual booth.

"What's so funny?" Tom slid into the booth next to his captain. Across from him sat the first officer of Voyager laughing so hard there were tears streaming down his face.

"Nothing, Mr. Paris." Kathryn replied tersely.

"Come on, Captain. You must have said something funny, the big guy here is in stitches," Tom said.

Chakotay wiped his eyes with back of his hands. "Go on, Captain. I'm sure Mr. Paris would enjoy the story as much as I did."

Kathryn glared across the table at him. "I don't think so, Chakotay!"

"I disagree, Captain. I think he would find it very amusing." Chakotay knew he was goading her but he was having too much fun to stop.

"I believe there are some plasma manifolds that need cleaning, Commander." Kathryn stared him, challenging him to defy her.

Unfortunately for her, her threats did not faze him one bit. "Okay, I'll tell him." Chakotay wiped the tears from his face and started his story. "The Captain went down to the planet at the appointed time to meet with the premier. When their business was concluded the premier asked her if she would like to see some of the special things the planet had to offer. Of course, she agreed. So, he called one of his underlings, a Mr. Long, and asked him if he would do the honors."

Kathryn was fuming. "Chakotay!"

Tom looked back and forth between his two commanding officers. Whatever happened Chakotay was enjoying himself in telling the tale and the Captain was thoroughly embarrassed in him doing so.

Chakotay continued. "They saw a few places before Mr. Long asked if she would like to see his collection of drawings. What was it he said, Captain? Who was the famous artist he tried to copy?"

Kathryn grumbled, "He said he tried to copy Leonardo DaVinci's style."

"Naturally, she was intrigued so she agreed to go. He took her to a building that turned out to be his home. They went to a room in the back where the walls were lined with sketches of people engaged in various degrees of sexual activity." Chakotay had to stop and try to contain the laughter that was bubbling up.

Tom began to smirk. He could just see her rigidly standing there surrounded by that type of art. "Captain I'm surprised at you. You didn't know what he meant when he offered to show you his etchings?"

Kathryn dropped her head and hid her face in her hands.

Chakotay composed himself and continued. "Mr. Long then came up behind the Captain and ran his hands down her arms and tried to kiss her neck."

Tom eyes widen in shock. He turned and spoke directly to the Captain. "What did you do?"

Kathryn spoke through her hands that were still covering her face. "I punched him in the face."

Tom didn't get it. He really didn't see anything funny in the story.

Chakotay saw the question in Tom's eye. "That's not the end. Mr. Long got up from the ground and demanded an apology. The Captain countered by demanding one from him for his presumptuous behavior. Let me see if I can get this exactly right." Chakotay cleared his throat and spoke in a high falsetto voice. "I will not apologize! I was only doing my job! You should be honored that I would agree to service an off worlder!"

Tom was thoroughly lost. "She should be honored that he made a pass at her? What did he mean that he was doing his job by showing the Captain dirty pictures and trying to seduce her?"

If it was possible Kathryn sunk lower into her seat. Chakotay would pay dearly for this, she thought. She blocked out his voice and contemplated various ways of making his life miserable.

"Mr. Long's official title is Layminster." Chakotay could hardly get the words out because he was laughing again."

Tom didn't quite understand. "What exactly does a Layminster do?"

Chakotay grinned from ear to ear. "When woman have reached the point of…" He paused, struggling to find a way to phrase it without Kathryn killing him, "…ultimate frustration…"

Kathryn groaned.

"…she can make an appointment with the Layminster who will then do everything in his power to alleviate that frustration."

Now Tom was laughing. He could picture some man making the moves on the Captain thinking that she desired his services.

"But Tom that's not the best part. Ask the Captain what she thought his job was."

"With an official title of Layminster and a name of Mr. Long what else could he possibly do?" Tom asked

Chakotay was smiling again. "Ask the Captain."

Tom turned and faced her again "Captain?"

Kathryn raised her head. She had had enough. "I thought he was a man of the cloth."

Tom stared at her incredulously. "You thought he worked for the church!" Tom instantly joined Chakotay in a hearty fit of laughter.

"For your information gentlemen, my grandmother practiced the old religion of Catholicism. In that particular religion, it was commonplace to have people help out the official members of the sect. Those people were called lay ministers. So, you see, you two idiots, it wasn't such a ridiculous mistake. I misunderstood the term. The only difference between the two words is the letter "I"!"

Tom quickly agreed with her logic. "Yeah, with one job "I" get to screw the girls and with the other "I" get to bless them!"

Chakotay added his opinion. "Or, Tom, if the Layminster is really good you are blessed because he screws you!"

Both men were howling by the time Kathryn pushed pass Tom to leave the table. She stood next to the booth with her hands on her hips. "B'Elanna was right. Men are pigs!" With that said she turned on her heels and stormed out of the holodeck.

Tom and Chakotay watched her leave through watery eyes.

"Maybe you should follow her big guy. She seems a bit upset."

"No, I don't think I should," Chakotay said. She is a little too angry with me right now. She didn't seem to see the humor in the situation. She won't be in the mood for my company."

Tom snickered. "Yeah but she may be in the mood for your blessing!" Both men instantly dissolved into another fit of laughter.


End file.
